


terrorist groups and threesomes

by WithYourRhythm



Category: Naruto
Genre: Accidentally becoming terrorist, Alternate Universe - Criminals, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Don't Examine This Too Closely, Gen, How did they even managed that, Kinda?, M/M, Mutual Pining, Obito is the leader of a terrorist group, Old Married Couple, One Big Happy Family, Short One Shot, Terrorists, This Is STUPID, Threesome - M/M/M, Turns out their not-really-papa is a terrorist group leader, mentioned - Freeform, not really - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 18:30:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15735012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WithYourRhythm/pseuds/WithYourRhythm
Summary: In which Naruto and Sasuke accidentally joined a terrorist group, Obito is the leader of that particular terrorist group, Kakashi is the sappy, dirty-mouthed husband, and Sakura is done with all of their bullshits.





	terrorist groups and threesomes

**Author's Note:**

> Gay ninja husbands became gay terrorist husbands became gay terrorist husbands who have terrorist kids became gay terrorist husbands who have terrorist kids and like threesomes. There's nothing more to add.
> 
> Oh. And we have Sakura. She punches someone.

“So,” Naruto announced as he threw himself to the couch next to Sakura, “I did something.”

 

Without even acknowledging him, Sakura flipped a page of her book, resting comfortably against the couch, half-sitting. Her pink hair was made in a messy bun, bangs covering her face.

 

Naruto frowned, “Really. I did a thing, and I think I need your help.”

 

A sigh escaped from Sakura’s lips. She lifted her head up, the glasses that was halfway through her nose slid a little more, “Why,” her voice sounded long-suffering, “am I not surprised?”

 

Naruto grimaced, “No, seriously. I think I accidentally joined a terrorist group with Sasuke. And not just some random terrorist group, but one that Obito-nii secretly leads.”

 

Sakura blinked slowly. “Obito-nii, like the Obito who got his hand stuck in the cookie jar Kakashi-sensei hid on top of the shelf?” She slowly raised her hand to take a hold of her glasses, and slid them down even more, until they were barely on her nose, “Are you _sure_?”

 

Naruto couldn’t deny that, but even _Sasuke_ got his hand stuck in that jar once, so it didn’t count. Though, that was mostly Naruto’s fault.

 

He nodded anyway, “Yeah. And I think Kakashi-sensei is having an affair with one of the members.” He stopped, expecting an answer until what he realized what he had said. “Wait. No- I mean- not me, it’s not me or Sasuke! It’s that Kisame guy, with all that muscles and _oh my god please don’t tell Obito-nii that Kakashi-sensei is cheating on him with me!”_

 

There was a panicked silence surrounding the room, until an offended voice pierced it with an “ _Excuse me?_ ”

 

Naruto froze.  _He's home._

 

He looked towards Sakura helplessly. She made no move to defend him, the look in her eyes saying ‘you did this, grow up and take the responsibility’. He gulped and tried to think that Obito-nii wouldn't kill him without a last meal.

 

Slowly turning to the door where the voice came from, he flailed, stuttering, “U-uh... O-Obito-nii- that’s not, I swear! It’s not how it sounds, I didn’t sleep with Kakashi-sensei, like, never!”

 

The angry frown on Obito’s face didn’t quite disappear, but the hands coming around his shoulders, hugging him did the job anyway. “Well, I certainly hope so. Because if we did, how could I hide the hickeys from Obito?” A hint of silver hair peeked behind Obito’s shoulder, the owner of it hiding his face on Obito’s neck.

 

Naruto looked at them, eyes wide open, filled with horror.

 

Sakura sighed once more, “What did I do in my previous life to deserve this?”

 

Kakashi lifted his head up to give her an infuriating eye-smile, the surgical mask hiding the lower-half of his face, “Nothing too bad, I’m sure. You’re an angel, walking-talking pureness, with a heart made of gold.”

 

Obito rolled his eyes, hand coming up to rest on Kakashi’s, “Or that’s what we’d like to believe. People can dream.” His left eyebrow twitched, “But not today. Because just twenty minutes ago, Ino called to inform us about how you made a guy cry with punching him in the face. She said the man yelled that he would go to police while running away from you.”

 

Kakashi nuzzled to Obito’s shoulder, “Don’t worry, sweetpie, I’m sure nobody will go to jail.”

 

Obito pushed Kakashi’s hands away and turned around to look at him, face twisted with disgust, “ _Sweetpie_? What the fuck, Bakashi?”

 

Kakashi let his hand rest against the back of his neck. His other hand went up, palm facing upwards, “Maa, what about my pumpkin? Sweetcheeks?”

 

Obviously unimpressed, the dark haired man crossed his arms over his chest, a brow lifted expectantly.

 

Kakashi let his hands fall, face souring, “Okay then, Obito it is. You’re really heartless, Obito.”

 

Obito snorted, “You deserve all of my harsh comments, Bakashi.”

 

The man gasped dramatically, hands holding his chest, right over his heart, “My delicate feelings! They are really hurt by your spiteful words, my love~”

 

Without hiding how he rolled his eyes, Obito turned back to Sakura and Naruto.

 

“Well. I expect an explanation.”

 

“Okay then. I just hope your eyes don't get stuck like this.” Kakashi murmured behind him quietly.

 

Obito ignored his comment pointedly, lifting an eyebrow at Naruto, staring.

 

Naruto gulped loudly, face losing its color with every single passing second. His eyes darted towards Sakura, who directly turned her head back to her book, then to Kakashi, as the man wriggled his fingers cheerfully, saluting him.

 

He wasn't getting out of this alive.

 

Suddenly, a locking sound echoed. The door opened at the hallway and someone stepped in while talking.

 

“-fine. I’ll look into it, but tell Kakuzu what’s going on. We’ll need funds-” Sasuke’s voice slowly got more quiet, vanishing to air as he turned around and saw everybody in the room. “I’m home?

 

Naruto wheezed, Sakura face-palmed and Kakashi snorted. Obito’s face blanked, “What,” the man looked murderous, “exactly are you doing with Kakuzu, Sasuke? Because the last time I checked, you were going to study with Naruto at library. None of this talk about funds with people you were not supposed to know was mentioned.”

 

The newly-arrived teenager furiously blinked, looking dumbfounded. After a while of silence, he shaked his head, trying to get himself together and stuffed the phone in his hand back to the pocket of his pants.

 

Naruto jumped in the second he saw the opportunity, “Obito-nii! I have no idea what’s going on, Sasuke didn’t even tell me that we were supposed to be going to the library!”

 

Sasuke twitched, face whipping towards him, “What? You told me that we had to go to the library!”

 

“Did not!”

 

“Did too!”

 

“No, did-”

 

“Shut up.” Obito pressed, “If you ever talked to Kakuzu-”

 

“No, I’d never, but dobe-”

 

“You can’t say that! That’s a lie, Obito-nii...”

 

“-how did you even met with him-”

 

“-decided to follow you and dragged me in-”

 

“-Sasuke said that we should see if you and Kakashi-sensei were in danger-”

 

At the background, Kakashi slowly went to couch, sitting to the seat Naruto abandoned just to yell his points at Obito and Sasuke. Taking out Icha Icha Tactics, he gave a bullshitting smile to Sakura, “Well, I guess they met with Obito’s friends.”

 

Sakura nodded, her hands twitching to punch the yelling boys. “That they did.”

 

“-no way I would do that-”

 

“-and you were talking to Deidara? That man is crazy-”

 

“-with you, bastard! Like hell-”

 

Kakashi tried to find where he was at the book, “And they saw me kissing Kisame?”

 

Sakura looked at him, surprised, “That was true?”

 

He hummed, “Yep. But I guess they didn’t saw Obito sucking-”

 

“What? Wait, no, that’s too much information, sensei.” Sakura shuddered, holding her hands up, “I don’t need the knowledge of how you and Obito-nii proceed with your threesome adventures.”

 

Kakashi shrugged, “Whatever you say.”

 

“-but I didn’t... I even saw you _giving a blowjob to Kisame_!”

 

A silence surrounded the room. Sasuke looked like even he was horrified by his own words.

 

Kakashi idly turned a page, used to the calm before the storm, “I guess they _did_ see, Sakura-chan.”

 

She choked.

 

Obito’s outraged voice thundered with embarrassment, “WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU BRAT? YOU WERE PEEPING ON US! WHAT DID THAT PERVERTED OLD MAN TAUGHT YOU TWO-”

 

 _Well, we better find a new flat tomorrow,_ Kakashi thought out of blue. _This is the sixth one, and it isn’t hasn’t even been four months since we decided to let kids stay with us._

 

Then he giggled to his book, _Minato-sensei owes me a lot._


End file.
